


Farewell at the Foot of a Hill ~Nagisa's Funeral~

by WornAndOneWinged



Category: Clannad
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-04
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2017-12-28 09:11:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/990280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WornAndOneWinged/pseuds/WornAndOneWinged
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone says their last goodbyes to Nagisa at her funeral which is held at the very place where Tomoya first met her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The cherry trees stood watch over the open casket that was placed in the centre of the path at the foot of the hill. The light pink blossoms drifted slowly to the ground, some occasionally making a quick turn in the air before landing, covering the grey pavement with their soft colour.

One of them threatened to land on Tomoya's nose, but he quickly brushed it away with a light flick of the back of his hand, scowling at it with dark eyes. He leaned forward and slumped down low on the chair he was sitting on, amongst the other occupied chairs which were set in rows in front of the wooden coffin. He stared into the pavement, wanting to escape the blinding colour of pink. Green. White. In the trees. Around the coffin.

Sunae was sitting beside Tomoya, holding little Ushio who was wrapped in a small yellow blanket. The tiny baby lay there in her grandmother's arms, sleeping. Innocently unaware of the grim expressions that seemed to permanently mask the faces of those sitting around her. The people sitting in the rows of chairs were all dressed in either a black dress or a black suit, each one with their teary or emotionless eyes fixed to the person standing in front of the open casket.

Akio placed a hand inside the coffin and lightly touched his daughter's cheek with the side of his finger. Nagisa lay there, eyes closed and a gentle expression on her still face. She looked peaceful. Akio swallowed hard as he closed his eyes and turned around to face everyone who had gathered there. Taking a couple of steps forward, he drew in a long breath before he began his speech.

"My little girl was special. She might not have looked like much…she was small and frail…but she had the biggest heart in the whole world. She cherished everything around her. Every person. Every moment. And even when life knocked her down, she always got back up again, giving her all each time. That's what made her special. She was the light of my life. And I know that somewhere…somewhere up there…" Akio lifted his head slowly, gazing up at the grey winter sky. "She's still shining her light down on all of us."

He turned around to face Nagisa again, placing his hands on the side of the coffin as he leaned into it. He kissed his daughter's cheek and gave her soft brown hair a loving stroke. "See you soon, Nagisa," he whispered.

When Akio returned to his seat beside Sunae, he quietly asked his wife if there was anything that she wanted to say. She decided that she would rather keep her words between her and Nagisa and stood at the coffin, holding Ushio up so that she could see her mother. Sunae spoke to her daughter in a soft murmur. Tomoya looked up slowly, watching Nagisa's mother speak to her as if she could actually hear her. Trying to show her Ushio as if she could actually see her. It made Tomoya's throat hurt. Nagisa couldn't hear her. Nagisa couldn't see her.

Kyou and Ryou were next to stand by the coffin. Ryou placed a pretty white flower in Nagisa's hair and smiled down at her as Kyou stood at the front to make her speech.

"I always had a lot of fun with Nagisa during our school days. Getting the drama club together…she might have thought that she was being selfish, but she ended up helping me and everyone a lot throughout her journey to making her dream come true. If it wasn't for her, well, I wouldn't have made all these wonderful friends. She'd always make me laugh with the cute little things she used to say. Whenever she was scared, she'd just suddenly blurt out 'anpan!' or 'hamburger!' like it was a completely natural thing to do," Kyou covered her mouth as she giggled nervously.

Everyone was too cheerless to laugh at the joke she'd tried to make. Her intentions of lightening the mood having only earned the odd sad smile amongst her peers, Kyou cleared her throat quietly as she continued with a serious expression.

"But even if she cried a lot…I think she was a happy person. And although each of us did our bit to support her be a good friend to her…it was all thanks to you, Tomoya… that she kept on smiling even when times got tough. So, thanks. Thanks for keeping Nagisa happy." Kyou gazed out at the man with genuine gratitude in her eyes and then bowed low, respectfully.

Tomoya just stared at nothing in particular, his expression completely blank.

Youhei was up next, and he stood next to Nagisa, taking a moment to get one last look at her before stepping up to speak to everyone.

"Nagisa was…um…she was pretty extraordinary. She was one of those really special people that you just can't help but liking. And I'm really grateful for everything she's done. She got my best friend out of his old delinquent ways and he turned out a better person because of it. I saw how much fun he had with her. He needed that. So…um…" Youhei swallowed hard, his voice becoming twice as raspy as usual. With teary eyes, he put on a big smile to hide his sadness, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. "Thanks, Nagisa."

The others that came up in turn to see Nagisa did so in silence, standing at her side and staring down at Nagisa's body as they kept their thoughts to themselves. Mei came after Youhei who left the coffin crying into a handkerchief, followed by Tomoyo who placed a small stem of cherry blossoms at Nagisa's side. Yukine was next and she put one of her favourite books inside the coffin. Misae and Kouko came up together and the two women simply looked down at the girl, bowing in respect.

Tomoya wanted the whole thing to be over and sat there with his back hunched low, trying to tune everything out. However, the people that came up next made him lift his head slightly, half curious as to what was about to happen.

Yusuke, Rie and Sugisaka stepped up to Nagisa's open casket, followed by Kotomi who was carrying her violin and its bow at her side. After smiling down at her friend, Kotomi turned to face everyone. Yusuke and the two choir club members stood behind her.

"Nagisa always had so much love to give everyone. She shared her love with all of us, and we have all been brought together because of that love. We're like a big family," Kotomi was smiling sadly as tears welled up in her eyes. She continued to speak in a loud, confident voice. "We want to show Nagisa how much we all love her. And so…we have prepared a very special song to honour Nagisa's memory."

Kotomi slowly raised her violin to her chin, holding it out in front of her. As she pressed her bow to the strings, a few people watching her from the rows of seats couldn't help but cringe as they waited to hear another round of her terrible violin playing. But to everyone's surprise, she actually managed to play a proper note, elegantly sliding the bow across the strings in a steady sweep. It became apparent that she had spent a lot of her time in America working on her violin skills.

She counted quietly as she prepared the singers to start the song. "One, two, three, four."

" _Dango…dango…dango…dango…dango…dango…daikazoku. Dango…dango…dango…dango…dango… daikazoku._ "

With Yusuke, Rie and Sugisaka leading everyone, they all joined in to sing Nagisa's favourite song. Nearly all of them had tears streaming down their cheeks by the time they got half way through it, but still they sang. They sang for Nagisa.

A small figure was couching behind the chair that Kouko was sitting on at the back row, completely unseen from everyone else. Fuko's _ikiryo_ form, who was still wearing her school winter uniform, sung along quietly in her high-pitched half-whisper. A tear ran down her cheek as she grieved for her lost friend.

Tomoya was the only one who stayed silent. Everything was getting harder and harder for him to bear and when the song was finally over, he felt just about ready to get up and leave right then. As Kotomi and the others bowed and returned to their seats, Sunae softly put a hand on Tomoya's shoulder.

"You don't have to say anything. Just go up and see her one last time," she tried her best to smile.

Tomoya just shook his head and tried to erase the emotions that were building up inside him. Akio leaned forward and gave him a stern frown.

"This is your last chance, kid. If you don't say your goodbyes now, you'll regret it."

After sitting there with his back hunched over for a few more seconds, Tomoya finally sighed and stood up. His legs seemed to move on their own, his whole body and mind on autopilot. Before he knew it, he was standing at his wife's side with his eyes closed. Finally building up the courage to look at Nagisa, he swallowed hard as the young woman came into view. She looked so still and peaceful that Tomoya could have sworn that she was just sleeping. He wanted so badly to believe that was true. She wasn't dead. Any second now, she was going to open her eyes and smile up at Tomoya just like she always did. Everything was going to be fine.

But the longer Tomoya stared at Nagisa, the more real it became. He had lost the one thing that he loved more than anything else in the whole world. Nagisa was never going to open her eyes again.

Tomoya bit down hard on his lip, fighting back a whimper. His eyes stung as he fought back tears. With a shaky hand, he reached down into the coffin. Taking her cold hand in his, he held it tightly, bringing it up to his lips as he gave it a kiss. As he lowered his head, he wiped away tears that were forming in the corners of his eyes. Within a mere few seconds, they were streaming down his face and dripping from his chin. He sobbed uncontrollably. He let go of Nagisa's hand, letting it fall to her side as he lifted Nagisa's head up and held it to his chest.

"Nagisa…Nagisa, wake up," he begged in a breaking voice. "Please Nagisa! Nagisa, you can't leave me. I love you so much."

He rested his cheek on the top of Nagisa's head. " _Please! Nagisa, come back!_ "

Tomoya wanted to take Nagisa and run. Up the hill that the two of them used to climb every day. Away from the coffin and their mourning friends and family. He didn't care where. Just as long as he was with her.

For a while, no one knew what to do as they stared helplessly at the grieving man. Akio eventually stood up and briskly walked over to Tomoya. He attempted to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he was pushed away by the strong arm that Tomoya threw out.

"It's okay, Tomoya. You're gonna be okay," Akio said in a low voice.

Tomoya's sobbing turned into cries of deep sadness, waking up Ushio who Sunae was still holding in her arms and making her shriek along with him. Everyone else just sat there, feeling a mix of sympathy and fear.

"Tomoya-" Akio tried again.

" _Shut up! Just shut up and leave us alone!_ " Ushio's crying was starting to sound like nails on a chalkboard in Tomoya's ears and he could hardly take any more of it.

Sunae tried to calm the baby down by shushing her gently and rocking her up and down on her knee, trying to fight back her own tears.

"She's still here! Nagisa's still here! She's going to wake up and everything's going to be the way it was! We're going to be happy! _Nagisa! Nagisa, come back!_ " Tomoya was holding his wife as close to him as possible, her face buried in his shirt.

"Tomoya, stop it!" Akio raised his voice. "Nagisa is _gone_ , okay! She's…she's not coming back!"

Tomoya gazed up at his father-in-law with sad eyes, tears still pouring out of them. Then he looked back down at Nagisa as he carefully placed her back in the open casket. _Why?_ The question echoed through his mind. _It shouldn't have to be this way._

As Akio placed the lid onto the coffin, Tomoya's could feel his legs become shaky and start to give way. With a final sob he fell to his knees, slamming his fists into the ground. With a bitter lump in his throat, Akio called over Kyou, Tomoyo and Youhei to help him to lift the coffin so that it could be carried to the burial site. Everyone gathered together to stand around the coffin as the four of them stood at each corner and started to take it down the path laid with white and pink blossoms.

Sunae came over to Tomoya, holding Ushio who had managed to fall asleep again. She took one hand off the baby and extended it towards him, offering to help him up.

Anger and sadness blazed in Tomoya's eyes as he got up suddenly on his own, turning and sprinting up the path, in the opposite direction of everyone else. He ran up the hill as fast as his weary legs would let him.

Away from his friends. Away from Ushio. And away from Nagisa.


	2. Climbing the Hill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I finished off with this chapter a year or two ago on the other sites this was posted on, but I had no idea it wasn't updated on AO3, so I apologize for that!-

They were pulling it down. The classroom in which Tomoya had spent so many happy times with Nagisa and the others…people had been taking it apart as if it had no significant value at all.

The construction workers had gone home for the day as it was drifting into late afternoon and Tomoya stared blankly at the empty site that had been barred with yellow and black tape as he walked briskly past it.

"How dare they," he muttered under his breath. "That was _our_ place."

_Will you go out with me…Nagisa?_

Having only slowed his pace to get a good look at the school, Tomoya broke into a run again.

_I love you, Nagisa._

The air was cold, but he hardly felt it.

_So I…I wanna spend every day of my life together with you._

It seemed like he had been running for an age before he finally arrived at a bridge that stretched over a wide river. He slowed down until he finally came to a stop right in the middle of it. Placing a hand on the silver railing, he leaned over and looked down. The water below rushed past and Tomoya guessed that it would be as frosty and bitter as ice in this late winter weather.

Memories flew by like missiles in his mind. The basketball game, the play everyone helped put on, the fight he had with Youhei, Kotomi's violin recital, eating lunch with Kyou and Ryou, Tomoyo waking him up in the morning, having tea in the reference room with Yukine, Kouko and Yusuke's wedding, the dream he had about Misae and Katsuki Shima, meeting Sanae and Akio…

...deciding to talk to Nagisa for the first time.

Each moment seemed so distant now. Tomoya couldn't really even relate to them anymore. The only thing that he cared about now was getting back the one thing that was most important to him. He knew that there was only one way he could do that.

Pressing both hands against the railing, Tomoya pulled himself up onto it and placed his black shoes securely on the edge. He smiled sadly as he began to stand up.

"Wait for me…Nagisa…"

He closed his eyes, breathing out slowly.

...

_Tomoya…_

_..._

He gasped as the world suddenly faded into view. He was standing on hard ground again, in the middle of a pathway. The cherry trees were in full bloom and it seemed that the town was now soaked in the sunny rays of spring. As Tomoya gazed at the familiar scenery, he suddenly caught sight of the person standing beside him. She was wearing a plain white dress that flowed all the way to the ground and she was staring straight ahead.

"N…Nagisa…?" Tomoya covered his mouth as he choked on his own breath.

The girl in white turned her head slowly and Tomoya could see, as clear as day, Nagisa's smiling face looking up at him. Her golden eyes were lit up like shining lanterns.

Tomoya breathed in shakily, tears beginning to stream down his face as he ran to embrace his wife. Nagisa closed her eyes and placed her hands on his back to return his loving hug.

"It's really you. You're here with me right now," Tomoya held her close to him, running his hand along the back of her head.

When Nagisa remained silent, Tomoya slowly pulled away and looked down at her.

"Nagisa?"

The short angelic girl placed her hand on his arm and he let go of her as she took a few steps backwards, turning so that she was standing beside him again. She lifted her head and looked at the sloping pathway in front of them.

"It's a pretty big hill, isn't it. It'll probably take a long time to get to the top. But I think you'll manage alright," she said in a soft voice, still staring into the distance.

Tomoya turned his head to follow her gaze. "But…why would I want to go up this thing when I've got everything I need down here?"

Nagisa looked at Tomoya again, a sorry smile on her lips. "I'm afraid I won't be able to stay with you. I've got my own journey that I'll have to make soon."

"Then, I'll go with you."

"Tomoya, I've never asked you for much. But…I really need you to do this one thing for me. I need you to stay here. I need you to climb up this hill."

"But it…" Tomoya looked up the pathway and saw that the only thing at the end of it was a wall of white light. "I don't know how to."

Nagisa giggled. "Well, it's easy! You just put one foot in front of the other!"

Tomoya sighed impatiently, but then he realised how much he'd missed the cute little things she used to say and shook his head, smiling. "It's not going to be quite that simple."

Nagisa pursed her lips into another sad smile. "You'll have to start out slow, taking each step as it comes. No one's going to judge you if you choose the easy way at first. You can do whatever you need to.

"When you get about halfway up the hill, with a bit of luck, someone will come along and give you the motivation you'll need to make it to the top."

"But what's the point? What's at the top of the hill?" Tomoya turned to Nagisa, a desperate look in his eyes.

Nagisa placed her hands behind her back. "I think you'll have to wait until you get there to find out what it is. But you know, I bet it'll be something that makes you very happy."

"I can't just leave you behind, Nagisa…"

"You don't have to forget about me, Tomoya. Climbing this hill only means that you'll be letting me go and moving on."

"But Nagisa, I…I can't. _You_ make me happy. Whatever's at the top of the hill could never make me happier than when I'm with you."

Nagisa looked down suddenly as a small, round thing nuzzled the side of her leg. She gasped quietly, bending down to pick it up. As Tomoya stared at it, he suddenly realised what it was. A pink dango, a little smaller than the plushies he had given her for her birthday. Except this one wasn't a toy. It was a real live dango. Nagisa hugged it to her chest, smiling warmly as the dango happily cuddled up to her. She looked out at the pathway ahead of them

"Fun things…Happy things…They'll all eventually change someday. But when that happens, you can't dwell on it too much. You have to go and find other fun and happy things. You're not replacing the old ones, you're just accepting that they're gone and moving on with your life. You're the one who taught me that, remember?"

Tomoya clenched his fist. "Nagisa, don't you understand? I love you more than anything in the whole world!" he stepped towards her. "And I want to spend every day of my life together-"

He gasped as he reached out to touch her, only to find that his hand went right through her arm. He raised a shaky hand to her face and her skin became slightly transparent until Tomoya pulled away.

"Nagisa…"

"You'll be okay, Tomoya. Just find whatever way's easiest for you to get at least half way up that hill by yourself. No one will think badly of you if you choose to isolate from everyone and I'm sure they'll be there for you if you need to ask them for help. But…"

The spring breeze picked up speed a little and made her hair and long white dress flutter about.

"Could you promise me one thing?"

Tomoya fought back a sob as he knew that it was nearly time for her to leave him.

"If Shio-chan is anything like me, then she'll be a sensitive little thing. If ever she needs a place to cry…Tomoya…could you promise that you'll be there and make her feel better? I'm sure her Daddy's arms will be the nicest place for her," Nagisa looked away smiling, shuffling her bare feet as she started to turn around.

A tear dripped from Tomoya's cheek and fell to the grey pavement. He nodded slightly.

"Yeah," he replied quietly.

Light pink cherry blossoms swirled around Nagisa and she closed her eyes as she started to walk away holding the dango in her arms, in the opposite direction of the hill.

"Where are you going?" Tomoya turned and tried to walk after her, but his legs refused to move.

"I'm not sure yet. But wherever it is, I hope it's a nice place… where I can eat anpan and play with the dangos all day…" Tomoya could hear the happiness in Nagisa's floaty voice.

"But wait…Nagisa. Please just stay a little longer…I'm not ready…" he reached out his hand as far as he could.

Nagisa stopped and looked back at him over her shoulder. "I want you to move on…and be happy."

She smiled for Tomoya one last time before turning to slowly continue her journey down the wide road, towards the light ahead.

"Nagisa! Wait, don't-!"

_Daddy?_

Tomoya's eyes widened as he heard a voice that sounded somewhat familiar, even though he didn't know who it belonged to. As he looked back at the hill, he could see a figure standing at the top of it. A girl. Even though she was standing far in the distance, he could see that she looked a lot like Nagisa, except her brown hair was much longer and she was wearing a slightly shorter white dress.

Suddenly realising that he couldn't hear Nagisa's soft footsteps anymore, he jerked his head back to look in the opposite direction. She was gone.

_Daddy!_

The girl at the top of the hill was calling out to him, cupping her hands around her mouth as she tried to get his attention.

Nagisa was gone now. The only option Tomoya had was to climb up the hill just as she'd asked him to. The girl standing at the top of it didn't seem like much of a goal to him, but still, he started to walk towards her. Slowly beginning his long, long upward climb.

...

The grey sky suddenly came into view and Tomoya realised that he was falling backwards. He gasped as he turned his body, trying to land without it hurting too much. He was a little more than relieved when he fell right into someone's strong arms that were able to catch him without too much effort.

"Whoa, I gotcha. It's alright."

Tomoya's feet slipped off the edge of the bridge and onto the ground. His upper body was being supported by the person who was holding him. He looked up to see who it was.

"Don't scare us like that, kid," Akio stared down at him seriously.

Tomoya rubbed his dizzy head and pushed himself to get up on his own.

"Are you okay, Tomoya? You were standing there on the edge of the bridge for so long and you didn't respond when we tried to talk to you," Sanae walked up to stand with Akio, a worried look on her face.

Tomoya shook his head. "Yeah, I'm alright. Sorry."

Ushio turned over in Sanae's arms, giggling as she caught sight of her daddy. She gurgled her unintelligible baby talk and reached out to him with her short arms. Tomoya tried not to take any notice of her.

"So, what are you gonna do now?" Akio spoke up again.

Tomoya stared down at his feet and stayed silent for a while. "I'm not sure yet. I might need a while to figure it all out."

"No one's rushing you, Tomoya. You can take as long as you need," Sanae smiled understandingly.

"If you don't mind…could you look after Ushio for a while? It's just, I'm really in no state to…"

"Of course. Don't worry, we'll take good care of her," Sanae gazed down lovingly at the baby in her arms.

"Thanks. I appreciate it." Tomoya looked up at Sanae and Akio with a soft, but slightly sad expression before turning and walking away.

"Hey, kid!" Akio called after him.

Tomoya stopped and looked back at his father-in-law.

"Take care of yourself, alright?"

"Yeah…..I will."

Sanae took Ushio's little hand and waved it up and down gently. "Bye, Daddy," she spoke in a high-pitched voice, pretending that the baby was talking.

Tomoya swallowed hard, not knowing what emotions he was supposed to feel. He forced a small smile, moving his feet slowly to continue walking, heading for home.

 

* * *

 

For five years, Tomoya lived a miserable life all on his own. He let work consume most of his day and he spent any free time he had gambling his money away and drowning his troubles in alcohol and cigarettes. As he walked up that steep hill in his mind, slowly moving on from the person he had left at the bottom of it, he started to wonder if his long and tiring journey was ever going to end. But one day, everything changed when Sanae called him and convinced him to go on a family trip. When he arrived at the Furukawa house, he found that both Sanae and Akio had gone and he was left alone with little Ushio, now five-years-old.

It was hard at first. Almost everything about Ushio reminded him of Nagisa and the time and energy he had spent trying to let her go. But little by little, Tomoya started to form a strong bond with his daughter, eventually realising the horrible mistake he had made in not allowing her to be a part of his life for so long.

Those last few steps were the easiest to take and a wave of happiness filled his heart as Tomoya finally reached the top of the hill, affectionately embracing the girl who had been standing there, calling out to him. He could see it clearly now. A new love to fill the hole in his heart. All this time, it had been Ushio waiting at the top of that light covered hill for her daddy to reach her. And now that Tomoya had finally found happiness in his life, he wanted to hold onto her forever.

And never let her go.


End file.
